The Big "L" Word

    The first couple weeks of dating were...interesting. Still uneasy about the whole relationship thing, Ryan was super awkward. I've always been a huge fan of PDA, so naturally, I would grab his hand or try (keyword: "try") to kiss him goodbye, but he would find any excuse to dodge my acts of affection. After grabbing his hand, it would be a, "Oh, look over there!" while releasing his hand from mine and using it to point at some random building or object, or a casual, "I've got to get something out of my backpack". While leaning in for a quick kiss, he was like a chicken pecking the ground, barely touching my lips and being as quick as possible. I would ask him if he wanted to do something and he would say, "Well, I think the guys are doing something tonight so let me see what they're doing first and then, we'll see." The best was when we were out to lunch with his best friend, Gary and his mom. Our waitress was a girl he knew, so he introduced his mom, turned to me and said, "And this is my (slight pause) ffffrrriend, Teisha". Say what? Did he just call me his friend?
    Surprisingly, all of this didn't really bug me as much as it normally would have. I had a lot of patience with him which was another shocker. Let's just say, I'm not the most patient person in the world. Normally, I would've gotten frustrated, asked him what his problem was, and probably eventually would've given up and moved on, but Ryan was different and a part of me knew that.
    Ryan's behavior went on for about a month or so and just around the corner was Valentine's Day. Of course, I couldn't use the "L" word. We had only been seriously dating for about a month and a half and I didn't want to rush anything or scare him off. Plus, saying "I love you" is a serious thing. Was I really in love with Ryan? This may sound weird and at the time, I didn't really believe it myself, but I can honestly say that I was. Even after all of Ryan's awkwardness, I still knew things were going to work out and be okay. I can't really explain it, but you know how when people use the phrase "I just knew" or "It was meant to be"? Well, I did know that Ryan and I were going to be together for a very long time and yes, Ryan and I were meant to be. Call me crazy, but that Valentine's Day, I knew I was in love with Ryan. Was I going to tell him though? With the way he was acting, of course not.
    I had never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day. I always tend to go all out for holidays. I love to celebrate whenever I can and because of that, I think I held my expectations way too high for all of my past boyfriends, so I was always let down and never impressed. I didn't necessarily expect a lot from Ryan since he had been acting so off, but I was determined to make it a good one no matter what. I decorated his car with tons of hearts that said different things, tied balloons to his side view mirrors, and made him one of those big candy cards. I was pretty proud of myself, but Ryan definitely out-did me! I had to work a graveyard the night before Valentine's Day. At 6:30 a.m., I walked out to my car to find a single rose laying on my windshield. Picking the rose up, I noticed that it was still warm despite the frost covering my windows. Ryan must have just been there and sure enough as I turned around to look, there went his car turning down the street to head home.         While driving home, I couldn't help thinking about how sweet his rose act was. Roses are my favorite flowers. I loved it and couldn't wait to see him after I had gotten a couple hours of sleep. As I turned onto my street, I saw someone standing in my driveway. "Who in the world?"...My lights shined on a good looking man holding a bouquet of flowers all spiffed up in a suit and a handsome hair do to top it off. My face lit on fire and a big smile spread across my cheeks as Ryan came and opened my car door for me. What a hunk! I was surprised and absolutely loved it. He had already outdone all of those guys in the past and the rest of the day was all I ever dreamed of. We joined two other couples for dinner at Olive Garden (yum!) and watched Hitch back at Ryan's apartment with rose petals and candles surrounding us. Super romantic and cute, don't you think?
    The weekend after Valentine's Day, Ryan was going to Arizona with a group of girls to his friend's mission farewell. It was going to be the first time we would be away from each other for a couple of days and I wasn't super excited. I wasn't worried about Ryan cheating on me or anything like that. That thought never crossed my mind. What I was worried about was that Ryan would be around all these girls and be reminded of what it was like to be single and want to live that lifestyle again. I didn't want to think about it, but it lingered in the back of my mind while he was gone.
    The morning after he got back, I drove over to his apartment to see him. I couldn't contain my excitement! As soon as I walked through the door, we hugged for a really long time and just sat on his bed and talked. He told me all about his trip and how much fun he had. My worries started to rise a little bit about the whole single thing and then, he said, "I really missed you like really really missed you. I had fun and all, but I couldn't stop thinking about you the whole time. After being with all of those girls, it made me realize how lucky I am to have you in my life. You are so amazing and understanding. You are everything that I've always wanted. I love everything about you. I love you." There it was. The "L" word. Words cannot describe how happy I was in that moment. Everything felt so right and perfect. Nothing could bring us down and never will be able to.
    After that day, our relationship grew to a whole other height. Ryan's awkwardness was completely gone and those quick, nervous pecks turned into real, normal kisses. Holding hands wasn't a big deal and for the first time, I felt like his girlfriend. We never ever fought or had an argument which I loved and everything was so smooth. It's still hard to believe how perfect everything still is. I never thought happily ever afters existed until I met Ryan.
    Ryan and I were engaged two months later on April 24th, 2013. He let me pick out my ring a week or two before which I absolutely loved! It's exactly what I wanted: rose gold. On the morning of the 24th, I got off work at 6:30 a.m. and drove over to Ryan's apartment. On the days I had school, he would always make me a bed in his living room so that I could take a little nap before classes. He lived right next to the college so it made it really nice for me and my sleep. Anyway, I pulled into the parking lot and opened the front door. There was Ryan all dressed up in the same suit from Valentine's day with his hair all fixed up, kneeling in the middle of a petal of flowers in the shape of a heart. Little candles were lit up all over the room along with rose petals scattered across the floor. His best friend, Gary, sat at the table taking pictures and recording the whole thing. Ryan said some sweet things, popped the question, and of course, I said yes.
    I had almost gotten married before Ryan and I am SO glad that I didn't. Before, I was scared and had nightmares about getting married, but when it came to marrying Ryan, I was ecstatic. I couldn't wait and that's how it should have been.
    I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Ryan and I only dated four months and were married three months later. A lot of people may think we're crazy, but when you know something is right, you go for it and that's exactly what we did. Marrying Ryan was and still is the best decision I have ever made. He is my better half and I can't imagine my life without him. We've almost been married a year and it's been the happiest year of my entire life.

 Cooper's Birthday Party with my best friend, Kate, and her date-January 2013

 Ryan at his friend's mission farewell in Arizona-February 2013

 Salt Lake Trip being bored in the car-April 2013

 Messy twister date-March 2013

 Easter 2013

 Tianna's Graduation-May 2013

 Bowling fun-January 2013

 We're always being silly-March 2013

 The Proposal-April 24th, 2013

 My beautiful ring

Salt Lake trip-May 2013

Where It All Began

    I've tried starting a blog a couple of times throughout my life and each time I have failed miserably. Either I didn't have much to say or just completely forgot and figured it was way too late to catch up. Now that I am married to the man of my dreams, I feel like I need more than just my journal to keep tabs on our busy life together. So, I conformed just like every other married woman, and started a blog. Plus, I need something to keep me busy instead of Facebook.

This blog can't just start almost a year into our marriage. It needs to start from the beginning. Our story is really confusing and kind of long, but it's worth it I promise! 

    Where it all began...

Ryan graduated from Hurricane High School in 2009 and I graduated from Desert Hills High School in 2011. As many of you may not know, Hurricane and Desert Hills are rivals. Go figure. After Ryan graduated, he served a full-time LDS mission in the San Fernando California mission with my Uncle Steven. At the same time, I was in college at Dixie State and writing another missionary from Ryan and Steven's mission. Once everyone returned home from their missions in 2012, the missionary I had been writing flew to St. George to meet me and visit. Steven was also visiting my family, so Ryan decided to come over and say hi to his mission buddies. We all had a lot of fun and my mom absolutely LOVED Ryan. A week or two after the whole shebang, my mom kept on telling me to go on a date with Ryan. I didn't think it was a good idea, but my mom told my uncle to tell Ryan to ask me out. Guess who I heard from a couple of days later? Yep, Ryan. He texted me a little bit and then, asked me out. I'm not one to turn down a date, so I agreed. We were supposed to go bowling, but Ryan had to do a school project he had forgotten about so we went to a play. A really really weird one at that, but we just laughed about it the whole time. Afterwards, we went to grab some fro-yo and he took me home. 

    According to Ryan, I had the worst time ever, but I honestly really did have a good time. He was a gentleman and I liked that, but I really wasn't interested. Ryan seemed more like the friend type and I didn't see us going anywhere, especially with the whole ordeal of me and his missionary friend. It was too awkward. Ryan tried setting up other times to hang or go out, but I wasn't the biggest fan of texting and ended up just kind of ignoring him a little bit...ya, I was a brat and it definitely kicked me in the butt later. 

    I ended up dating another guy and about two or three months had passed. It was October and President Monson had just announced the lowering of age for missionaries. At first, I didn't think much about it, but then I really started to consider serving a mission. I had never really thought about or planned on it, but I figured if there was any better time, it was now. I met with my Bishop and all I had to do was give him the word and I could start my papers. I never thought anyone would ever receive the answer "no" as to whether or not to serve a mission until I did. The answer was clear and simple. A mission wasn't for me. I honestly was pretty ticked. Why would I get a "no" for something so amazing as a serving a mission? I couldn't believe it and didn't know what to do with myself. 

    It wasn't even a day after I had received my answer when something kept on telling me to talk to Ryan. My mom had been bugging me about him ever since he came over that first time, but this was something else. Every day that same thought, "Talk to Ryan", would pop into my head over and over again. Soon, I even started seeing his name and face on Facebook all the time when I had hardly ever seen him on there before. It drove me nuts to the point where I finally gave in and texted him. I was mortified. What was I supposed to say after I had ignored and dropped him those three or four months ago? I didn't think he would talk to me and I honestly wouldn't have blamed him. It was only a couple of minutes after I had sent the text when, to my surprise, he replied and it wasn't the kind of text I expected. He was extremely nice and asked how I was. He didn't mention a thing about me ignoring him or anything like that. It was like we had talked just the other day and everything was fine. Boy did that make me feel better! We talked for awhile and he ended up asking me on another date. Once again, I said yes and when it came down to the day of the date, I didn't want to go. I was still extremely embarrassed and thought he was planning on paying me back for what I did or something like that. I couldn't cancel though because that would completely destroy what little of a good reputation I had with him. So, I put a smile on and decided to be myself. 

    The date consisted of walking around the St. George temple and watching the nativity scene with his best friend, Gary, and his date. It was at the beginning of December and a little nippy outside, so hot chocolate afterwards was a must. I ended up having a great time. Talking to Ryan came easily and I loved that. He wasn't awkward in any way and always had something to talk about. Instead of me keeping up the conversation, it was him and it was a nice break from the other dates I had gone on before. Since we had been able to talk so easily with one another, I thought having a good guy friend would be nice. I didn't necessarily have any feelings for him quite yet and didn't think he was super interested in me anyways, so being friends was good with me.

    A couple of days after our date, my best friend, Kate, and I T-boned an SUV that pulled out in front of us on our way to church (church, out of all the places. Who would've thought?). Ironically, the wreck took place right in front of my parent's church building so, my young women's president, who was a nurse, and Bishop, who was a former paramedic, heard the crash and came outside finding me and Kate battered and bruised. Her car, Rhonda, was totaled. Kate's knees had slammed into the dash and we're pretty sure my head hit the windshield even though my airbag deployed because there was a huge crack in the windshield right where I was sitting. We weren't in any serious condition, just in shock, but we headed to the ER anyway to make sure everything was okay. I was supposed to go to one of Ryan's friend's mission homecoming with him later that morning, so I had my sister, Tianna, let him know what had happened and that I couldn't make it. After three hours spent in the ER and a neck brace to show off for the next two weeks, we made it home. I spent the day resting and a little after dinner, there was a knock on the door. Ryan and his friend, Rachelle, made me cookies and came to check up on me. Embarrassed as all get out, they saw me in my "beautiful" brace and talked for awhile. I didn't expect anyone to come and see me, but Ryan and Rachelle were the only two who ever did. It meant a lot to me and that's when my feelings for Ryan started to turn into something more than just a friend. 

    Ryan and I continued to hang out and go on dates for most of December. I started to really like him and things were looking pretty good for us, but right around Christmas, he started to act weird. We would still do things together, but he kept his distance from me. I couldn't figure out what was going on. One day, he invited me to go sledding with him and his friends, so I decided that if he was still weird, I was going to talk to him to see what was wrong. Of course, sledding was a blast and Ryan was back to his normal self. What the heck was going on? Afterwards, we went back to his apartment and he told me that we needed to talk about some things. My thoughts started to run wild, "Crap. This is where it ends. At least I didn't get too into the whole thing. It will be easier to handle this way". We sat on his bed and he started to tell me about how he felt. He really liked me, but didn't want a serious relationship. He didn't feel ready and wanted to date around a little bit more while still dating me. I guess this wasn't too bad of news, but I had been played too many times to play this game, so I gave him an ultimatum: Either be with me and only me, or just be friends. None of this friends with benefits stuff. I wasn't going to do that. "Well, I guess let's just keep on doing what we've been doing and see where that takes us", he said. Dang it...I tried. "So, Teisha, will you be my girlfriend?" Say what? I was completely taken by surprise, but managed to sputter out yes. I thought to myself "Wow, that went a lot better than I thought it would!". :)

    Ryan and I have been together since that night, December 29th, 2012 and the rest has been a dream. I told you it was going to be a long story, but I like details so whatever. I know those promptings to talk to Ryan weren't just for kicks and giggles and this may sound weird, but I am extremely grateful for listening and not serving a mission even if it didn't make sense at the time. The greatest blessing of my life came from trusting in the Lord and I've never been so extremely happy in my entire life. 

 Ryan's Graduation with his family

 My Graduation with my family

 Ryan and my Uncle Steven on their mission

 Ryan and Steven post mission

 Steven, Ryan, and Ethan when they were visiting 

 December 2012 (around the time we started dating): Ryan and us girls

 December 2012: Christmas in the Canyon out at Tuacahn

New Year's Eve 2012: Ryan and I and his best friend, Gary, with his date